A Familiar Nuisance

It's been a long time since I wrote in here but I'm away from my journal and I need to write somewhere. Lately, I lot has been looking up for me. The love of a woman. A great internship. 3rd year of a degree. Regular Therapy. And a good home life. However, with therapy comes revelations and healing. I suffer from a few things: Retroactive Jealousy PTSD Fear of Abandonment and potentially a mild panic disorder With my retroactive jealousy, I struggle with the thought that my partner has been with many other sexual partners (she doesn't remember the number) Plus she has multiple male friends that she still is in contact with in which she's been intimate. It sucks. I struggle to let go of the fact that she's slept with these men, some of whom I really don't like. She's been an amazingly understanding and communicative partner in all this, and I'd like to think the same about me. However, my therapist told me that of course I'll still get triggered and that I just need to develop the tools on how to deal with my triggers. They'll never go away. I just need to remember that I'm enough as a person. Partner. Emotional supporter. Sexual partner. I need to remember I am more than all her other partners combined and that I get the privilege to be the one with her right now and hopefully forever. The first partner doesn't matter, but I could potentially be her last partner and that's a big privilege. She is very happy with me. She is very happy with me. I am enough. I am more than enough. I am a special man.