What am I?
I seem to be socially awkward.
I seem to be self-centered.
I seem to be lazy.
I seem to be defensive.
I seem to be jealous.
I don't seem to keep friendships long, without arguing.
I make everything about me.
I am not motivated.
I am not organized.
I talk too much.
I'm obsessive.
I'm not disciplined
I seem unintelligent most of the time.
I seem ignorant.
I seem insincere.
Who have I become?
I received my evaluation from Mark about my Final Project. And I can't argue with anything that was said. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to quit theatre and cut myself off from everyone who knows the project, and everyone involved with my education at Rosebud.
I feel like a failure to everyone around me, a disappointment who's a lost cause.
I want to start fresh somewhere.
I think I'm going to fail.
I really, really do. And there's not a damn thing that I can do about it.
I'm not doing anything productive with my life at the moment. I live at home, I have no job, I'm single, I don't go out, I'm not very responsible. I'm not doing anything for my faith.
What's wrong with me?
Do I put too many people on a pedestal? Do I not make the first step? Do I obsess over the wrong thing?
There are so many people that I've hurt. There are so many people that I want to apologize too. There are so many times that I wish I could take back.
What am I doing here?
I feel like I'm driving to my failure tomorrow. I'm tenting. Whether that's smart or not, who knows. I'm too spontaneous, I rely on my ability to wing it too much. I don't prepare. I don't.
And I don't know how to change that without severely affecting the way that I view life or live it.
I'm glad this is my last item on my 'Graduate Rosebud List'.
I won't be a burden or a reason to roll eyes anymore to anyone in that town. I'll be out.
But then what?
