I didn't think that I would ever need one because I like my father can handle my own problems and nothing is too big for me to not be able to figure it out on my own, I should have a strong brain to work out the equations of my life.
But to be honest, I have too much to think about now!
I am very much of the philosophy "God won't give us more than we can handle" but it's come to a point where I must ask for help and I am not being able to function properly.
I have become more reserved; I feel more alone, sad and doubtful.
I've developed a sore body, because of the pattern of life I have undertaken in this state, I don't exercise like I used to occasionally, but now it's completely non-existent and my diet has included nothing but fast food and sugar. Because of the late nights I've spent with friends and the stress of the days I don't sleep well.
My love life has completely crashed and burned, I feel no ability to love anyone, because I must still be grieving of the loss of, a woman I gave my entire heart to and she broke it and hurt me bad, then left never to be seen again except on occasion. I loved her, I knew what love was, I felt it.
It wasn't complicated... Then it was one day gone.
I've been on a quest since then to find that love again, but because I have struggled with Pornography and I haven't wanted to give my love to anyone again, I can only view the women I desire to get know or possibly pursue in a healthy relationship... in an unhealthy, addictive, lustful way.
I am at a fork in the road currently, if you will.
One path is beautiful, sunny and straight on into the horizon, I can almost see the whole way! However, I have a sick feeling in my stomach when I look down that path.
The other way is covered by a forest that is dark and damp, I can't see 5 feet in front of me but I can see a light through it, and I don't feel unsettled in my stomach when I look that way.
I don't know which way to go. Well, I do know. But I don't want to go down that way. I like lusting after people, to be honest, but I don't want to treat my female friends like objects and I don't want to lose people.
And I want to find that one person I spend the rest of my life with.
I am lost.
My friend has a blog and he has a little thing called his 3 thankful thoughts! I've decided to do that... at least for todays post:
1: I am thankful that I live in a town full of loving, caring people who will listen to you or will just watch a movie with you to help you through.
2: I am thankful for my opportunity to shadow Morris as he directs the Wizard of Oz, I've learned and am continuing to learn so much.
3: I am thankful for my parents, mom and dad, who love me with absolutely all love that they can possible give out! I lucked out when God gave me to them 21 years ago.
