Hey.
So it's been a little bit since you and I connected, Senor Blogger.
A lot has happened.
A lot of change has happened. Growth.
I am on a regular daily diet (Fruit, Veggies, The good stuff, Etc.)
I run every day. I'm starting to feel superheroish, like I used to.
I read my bible everyday, and pray everyday. I started to really find the value in speaking with God one-on-one.
I meditate daily. It hones my focus and calms my stresses.
I actually went to the doctor yesterday for a complete checkup, and the doctor said that there was nothing wrong with me, I was in near perfect health, if I lost 10 pounds and my pulled pectorals were healed, then I would be ideal. I felt/feel extremely proud.
So as you can see, a lot has happened.
I've also noticed with this lifestyle change, that other things are falling away. My porn chokehold is slipping from me fast. I can't even watch Game of Thrones, or other things of the sort. I am beginning to be repulsed by the way the media uses it as an enticement. It's sickening. I shouldn't have to put that into my head, it's everywhere in today's culture and therefore it's near impossible to get away from it. It gives us (men, Specifically) an unhealthy objectification of Sexuality. Sex is beautiful and we don't realize this the way we should or need to. We can't see passed the initial gratification, I want to be able to share this beautiful, awkwardly wonderful moment with the person that I will one day be together forever with.
My friend is getting married tomorrow, and I am blown away at how he looks at her and vice versa. Just knowing that they will spend every intimate moment with each other is one of the most lovely things there is. I'm performing Sonnet 116 for the wedding and there's a wonderful piece in it that says:
"It (Love) is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken.."
This means that Love is a constant and will not sway when fights or arguments or rough patches get in the way when it is true. And I believe this to be truer than true. I can't wait to watch my friend take this step.
However, back to the land of reality. I arrive at the wedding rehearsal and greet my friend who then immediately whisks me away to meet the bridesmaids (some I know, some I do not).
He and his fiancée are trying to set me up. I am flattered but unimpressed, as I want to remain single and protect my heart from being opened again for a little while.
The night travelled on as it does and some harmless, passive flirting later and some rehearsal shenanigans; I had a good evening.
The groomsmen went to the pub for a few after the rehearsal and it was great to catch up again even though I can't really connect to or talk to the guys about romance because I am the only single groomsman. However, my ego was boosted when at the end of the night the server gave me her number on my bill and no one else's. I'm not interested but a boost goes a long way.
I have started to feel better about this whole situation happening between Caleb, Caitlyn and I. I gave Caleb a hug the other night with no other words attached and I also drove him to Calgary and appreciated his company. And with Caitlyn, I'm moving on. I still hurt a little, but hey, what's life and knowledge without pain. I live by making mistakes and learning from them, I had "Pain" by Three Days Grace go through my head all week, and the song talks about how he'd rather feel pain than not feel anything.
"Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all." - Alfred Lord Tennyson. (Poet for the Queen and son of a reverend.)
I feel like I'm getting a grip of who I am in this time of silence and singularity. I enjoy my own company, I'm doing more things for myself and absolutely loving it. Such as going to the beach this past weekend, just because I wanted to (others may have joined me but I decided alone before) or my one-man camping trip that I'm going on within the next few weeks. I can't wait to discover more of myself. I learned a song on the piano from Pride and Prejudice today for the heck of it. I wrote a few songs and played guitar, because they were just at the tips of my fingers.
And I'm most importantly valuing my friends and how much they are worth to me, and the conclusion is immense. Too large to speak of, without my friends I would be alone (truly).
Thank you Jesus for my privileges and skills, my friends and family, my country.
I feel great, Mentally, Emotionally (stabilising), Physically, Spiritually and Wholly. I am at a point in my life where I can do anything. And that is my greatest asset right now.
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Bring it on World. Anything you throw at me, I'll bounce back, somehow and eventually. "Love's not times fool" and nor am I.
Until I need to talk again. Bye bye for now.
