Let me tell you a story.
It's about a guy.
Who fell in love with a girl.
I don't want this to sound cliche, but I know that I won't be telling you everything that should be said.
Privacy, Details, Forgetfulness, Necessity.
I fell in love.
And that's difficult to say, because I have fallen in love with a lot of people.
But no one has made me feel the way that she does.
And that could be that I'm in so deep. But it could just be that it was real, and nothing that I projected onto the situation.
I have gotten to know this girl emotionally, and I enjoy her company, because I don' feel like I need anyone else's company when I'm with her. And even now, away from her.
But the catch is that this girl does not feel the same way.
And that is hard.
She doesn't.
And that is okay. Just fine, in fact.
She will feel what she wants and needs to. And I respect that. I just hope now that I don't lose her from my life as a friend because of this difference.
I laugh hardest around her, I feel strongest around her, I feel best around her.
She is a truly incredible friend.
Now, you might say I'm biased because I'm in love.
But as much as that may be the truth, I believe and feel that there is a true friendship underneath it all.
We've gone through a phase of awkward chats and discussion about our status as friends. And all of them have been hard. Not because the truth was spoken, but because I've had to cut off one of my best friends afterwards for a period of time. I don't want to lose her from my life.
Maybe I need to. Maybe I need to just let go.
But the world is a scary place and I am unsure where I will be led.
I do, however, strive to be closer to God on this journey forward. I have given this girl my heart, more than once. Now, I can't do anything else. It is not my call to make. And I'm not sure if it's hers anymore. It's the big mans. Almighty.
I just don't understand the confusion that has happened or is happening.
It's so much pain.
More than I've felt. Ever.
She is struggling and I can't help her. And that's what hurts me most. I have no jurisdiction.
My hands must be wiped clean.
And that's the hardest part of this, moving forward.
What do I do with myself? How do I deal with the pain that I feel? The strange sense of calm?
I am pessimistic of the future at the moment. There's little hope.
Help me Lord.
All I can do now about this I guess. Is hope that through you Lord, I find her. And maybe this is where our story does end.
Harsh and Broken and Unsure. And Terrified.
Goodbye. Hope for this must leave now. I have no choice but to show you the door.
I must pray and trust that my life will be presented with gifts that I can't even imagine.
Tears are on their way. I should close now.
