Tonight has been one of those nights where I recognize how lonely I am.
And that's not a bad thing, by all means.
No, What I mean is that I wish I had someone to come home to, and vice versa, I wish I was somebody that someone could come home to as well.
I really was feeling the weight of the day, especially near the end of the day. I came home from a shift at Kith & Kin, and I'll tell you that I would've given anything...
and, yes, I do mean anything...
..to be able to go into the arms of someone that I loved and loved me to kiss and to hold.
I wish that I was able to do exactly what I did tonight, just with someone beside me.
Come home, tidy up.
Make a quick, bland meal.
Make some tea.
Set out some laundry.
Set up my computer/TV.
Answer some emails.
Pull up Netflix.
And watch Gilmore Girls with my slippers in the glimpses of lamplight cascading from my bedside table.
I wish that it wasn't so hard to find someone.
But truly. find. someone.
I want to be able to tell someone my hopes.
My dreams.
The stupid ideas I've had throughout the day that could potentially be fantastic.
I wish I had someone to encourage me to move forward, even if what lies ahead is foggy and mysterious.
It doesn't help that I get flustered easily around anyone I find kind, chill, pleasant, fun, and enjoyable, and doubly so if they happen to be the opposite gender.
So I end up saying things I don't mean,
or cracking jokes I don't want to,
or being macho,
or playing it cool,
or showing off,
or not being genuine.
Which prevents me from being the true inner Geordie I want people to see.
This whole adult thing is hard. But I don't want to be a child anymore. So I must.
