This seems to have become my depression confession blog...
And I'm here more often.
Well, it's a new year.
Yay.
3 shows.
Producing.
Graduating.
Farewells.
New jobs.
No fall term.
Travel planning.
22.
A few weddings.
I've got a little bit happening this year.
I've just spent the evening with my friend and his family, pretty much the same as I've done for years, but it was different because there was pretty much only couples there, and a LOT of wedding talk.
All in all, it was a lonely New Years for me.
The last few New Years have been memorable but honestly all I want to do with this one is forget it, there was no "bros" around (besides one who couldn't talk because of a wisdoms teeth pull), no girlfriend to love up on, no family because I was not at home.
It was different.
And in the morning I'm the only attempting to keep the sunset tradition.
It's saddening.
I feel like I'm getting worse, sadder, by the day. I have reached the point where I need to almost call my therapist again.
I'm excited for the new year and what it has to offer but there's a gut feeling that's going to be one of the worst years of my life, and I can't shake it. But I'm marching on with my head up, heart out and attempting a smile.
We'll see what happens.
I feel pathetic.
All the complaining I do about relationships but it's important to me, and I feel snubbed.
The last relationship I was in was almost entirely my fault. I did stuff in that relationship that I never want to do again an I can't get over what I've done, and in relative terms it's not even bad it's just physically, emotionally and mentally clingy, I can't shake it.
I'm so conflicted with my heart at the moment that I almost want to swear off girls this year.
Let's do some New Years resolutions:
Be more diligent in your work
Offer opinion only when invited and don't overstep it.
Don't hold a grudge.
Be kinder.
Invest more in everything.
Don't be so hard in myself.
Give up pornography.
Flirt less.
Happy new year.
It'll be a cinch.
I hope...
